Wednesday, July 28, 2010

Bonzai?

Hello dearest blog,
I write to you while I transfer all the music I have on cd (which is basically all from 2007 and prior) on to my newly reformatted computer. After finding that ive used up 95% of my monthly internet allowance and not having at all enough music I have unearthed the music of my highschool years. So here we have; three days grace, nine inch nails, sum 41, eminem, evanescence, christina aguilera, greenday, tatu, fall out boy and disturbed to name a few.

I am being extra carefull not to go over my 6GB limit because I don’t want to pay extra money of which I have no idea of the amount. So I most likely wont make another post until next week.

Anyway today I decided to go on a rather long walk which im unsure was a good idea seeing as the half was point was mcdonalds. My healthy walk inevitably turned into a binge. My binging confused me as it was a long time since my last episode and it was extremely controlled. I calmly ordered my small cheeseburger meal knowing exactly what I was doing, ate it slowly (which is very unusual), checked the calories on the wrapper and told myself if I had gone over 300 I would purge. It came to approx 520 so to the bathroom I went. After ridding myself of the meal I simply walked home.

Gordon ( friend and occaisional fuck buddy) came over at about 7 and after talking, playing cards and watching tv we ended up having sex. It was physically very good but left me craving a real relationship with someone who im actually attracted to.

I want and quite honestly probably need to put myself wholeheartedly into something constructive like a relationship, a career/ job or some study. My life at the moment seems meaningless, im not doing anything. I stabbed myself (affectionate way of talking about my weekly injection) today so my body will be screwed up for at least the next 3 days. I cant get a job because I never know if im going to be feeling well enough and my sleeping patterns are so weird that I would probably be late all the time anyway. I need a hobbie. Ive thought of learning about growing bonzai plants but I am unsure about it due to my strange thought process...

I think of bonzai plants as I do of bonzai kittens. For those who don’t know bonzai kittens are stuffed into small bottles while they are growing so just their heads poke out the top. They then grow inside formed (or deformed)to that shape. It is disgusting! My mind says “what if plants plants have feelings too?”. Maybe im crazy but as cute as the little trees look it seams mean.
So I have to think of a new hobbie to take up. Im off to contemplate this.
Acka -xoxo

Sunday, July 25, 2010

Happy Birthday

hi there everyone! and by everyone i mean my one follower... you made my day! thanx :)


so i just got back from my bestie's birthday shindig. it was fun but tiring. i put in so much effort to his present and his cuppy cakes and going out and dancing. i woke up in the worst mood and it showed. for some reason in the conversation i brought up a story about me dropping a baby rabbit when i was 8 and breaking its back. it was an accident! so for the rest of the day i was known as the evil rabbit killer. i know it was a joke but i got really pissed off.

then bestie wanted to go out for breakfast. we went to a cafe and ordered the same as everyone else even tho i wasnt hungry (well my mind wasnt hungry). the waitress comes out with a massive plate of toast, eggs, bacon, tomatoes, mushrooms and hashbrowns. i got through about half of it. i estimate i ate 800 cals but its ok coz i havnt gone over 1200 today.

i almost fell asleep on the train but the cutest little indian boy was talking really loudly to his family and his adorableness kept me awake.

i got home and had a nap for 2 hours before watching the masterchef grand finale. im going to miss that show soo much. actually considering entering next year if i get good enough.
anyways can think of much else to write. toodles, Acka xoxo

Thursday, July 22, 2010

$80 Worth Of Chocolate!

yep thats right... $80 worth of delicious chocolate.
my besties 20th birthday is only 2 days away and me and Taylor (another friend) thought we would save the stripper for his 21st. so the plan was to get him as much chocolate as possible on our budget of $40 each. i have a massive basket which i have decorated and filled with what feels like at least 5kg of choc. make no mistake as overwhelming as it seems to me and im sure others my chocoholic bestie will LOVE IT!
i cant beleive this but at the moment and for the last day i have been harbouring these dangerously tasty and calorie filled goods i have had no desire to eat them. i was scared to make this present for him because of the possibilty for mass binging but everything is going good :)
i feel so strong and controlled!
anyways im off... stay strong love Acka xoxo

Wednesday, July 21, 2010

Pics :)

so... i was just killing time on PT when i got absorbed in finding pics so i could make a comment in this thread. its basically 5 pics about yourself. i likes it coz it was colourful and creative. anyways i spent ages choosing pics and debating whether they were really true to being me. i spent so long that i thought i should put it up here too. so enjoy :)

Kitties! im a cat person... i loves my kitties :)
So adorable!








Will and Grace! best comedy on TV ever.
i laugh at every single episode and i can relate in some way to all the characters.
Men in suits... the hottest thing to happen to fashion and business. FUCK YEHH!!! they turn me on!
Ahh astrology... do i believe in you dont i belive in you? i dont know? but i like your mysterious ways.
i do however believe that my natal chart can tell those who know how to read it a lot about me.
And... Cherries.
one food
i absolutely adore. The colour, the texture, the flavour, its all good.
i want at least one of these trees in my backyard when i get my own place.... ahhh dreams...

Sunday, July 18, 2010

The Most Hated Of All Weather Conditions...

yes it is raining... outside is dark and gloomy and cold and wet. i so wanted to go for a walk coz i need to get out of the house. deary me. sooo the plan is...
TO DANCE!
I have the house to myself, the heater is on high and the music is on full blast! I am typing this between dancing songs.
California Gurls - Katy Perry, The Rythym Of The Night (go 90's dance!... actually adding more of this genre in : Mr Vain, Rythym is a Dancer and a whole lot of Darude) and Break Your Heart - Taio Cruz and For You Entertainment - Adam Lambert are tops on my playlist today.

Oooohhh MasterChef is on telly tonight :) how i love to watch the making of good food. if only it wasnt so tasty and fattening. and on the subject of fattening... im scared. the scale says ive lost a kilo but my face looks chubbier than normal. i really hope im not losing muscle :(

Anyways in off to dance some more! toodles loves xoxo

Saturday, July 17, 2010

Chewy Sushi

Just checking in. Not that anyone knows. I want some followers so bad. It would inspire me to write more and maybe even do more interesting things that i can write about.
Im so tired at the moment, it is 2am but lately i havnt been getting to sleep until 3. Note to self - fix body clock.

Anyways what did i get up to today...
well i made sushi - it turned out really chewy but i am happy to eat it because a little bit fills me up and the ones i made are all full of vegetable goodness. Then i downloaded music to refill my empty itunes coz my putie got reformatted the other week and all my stuff was gone. While this was happening i waited and waited for my grandma and her boyfriend to go to his house so i could watch tv. They didnt end up leaving until 2 hours ago. shortly after this guy i have been seeing lately came over, and i must say I AM SO OVER HIM! all he wants to do is touch me. this was his last chance and he blew it. i gave him so many options for possible avenues of conversation but nooo! he just wanted sex. well im sorry you aint getting it! i made him leave 15 minutes after he arrived.

Treatment has really been annoying me the last few days for many reasons. 1. my eyes are sore! and its pissing me off. 2. im soooo tired. 3. my body wont work properly, i cant do hardly anything without feeling out of breath and dizzy, to the point that yesterday i suspended my gym membership because i had been twice in the last month. now im going to get fat again after just losing 10kg. not only that but everyone is having fun and going out without me and im stuck at home on a saturday night feeling sorry for myself. 4. i cant work, which means lack of money and more importantly lack of experience. nobody will want to hire me next year because i have nothing on my resume. this is even more frustrating as my mind is in career and work mode at the moment and all i want to do is work, study and save money but i cant do that for at least 5 months.

Talking of money and career, my friends want me to commit to a trip to Bali next year. As much as i would love to go to Bali and have a great time with my friends it is not on my top priorities list at the moment. This trip started out as a weekend away down the coast, to a week in Queensland and now its 2 weeks in Bali. i can afford it if i save absolutely everything for the next 6 months but to be honest id rather spend my money on something else. i have to pay to a course next year so i can actually have a qualification in something, i need to save for when i move out next year and i want money in my account as financial security. i havnt told them i dont want to go yet and i already feel like a complete party pooper. ahh nuts!

Thursday, July 15, 2010

Im A Sleepwalker!

Thats my new favourite new song... Adam Lambert - Sleepwalker. I just downloaded his album and this song started playing and i got tingles up my spine. This is one of the feelings i live for!
The lyrics remind me of my ex and i dont even feel bad.

Update so u know who i am talking about. i shall call him Dean because he looks like Jensen Ackles who plays Dean on Supernatural. Anyway i met Dean on valentines day last year and fell head over heals in love. And not just because he was sizzling hot. we dated for about 7 months but werent ever "official" because of the 12 year age difference. That is one of the main reasons it didnt end up working out. He was the perfect for me... we could talk so easily, the sex was great, he was the first man to take me out for dinner and tell me i was special. And most importantly he was fun and got on with my friends. I still talk to him now and then as a friend even though he has a girlfriend i am extremely jealous of. Even though i miss him i am learning to get over him and i am happy just to know him.

To be quite honest mentally today im feeling great. the only slightly annoying thing thats happening at the moment is that i am being swamped by guys asking me for dates. it would be good if they were guys i were into like that... but they are not. secretly i am loving the attention tho :P

Yay for sharing happiness.... Acka XoXo

Tuesday, July 13, 2010

Oh Hi There :)

Good morning blogspot. Nice to meet you.
Ok so the name is.... well you can know me as Acka. Im a 19 year old girl living in the eastern suburbs of Melbourne, Australia.
I have decided to begin this blog to express all aspects of my life especially the parts not well known. This seems a good time to start a blog as i have heaps of time on my hands due to medical tratment which renders me unable to live life to the full. I spend most of my time at home feeling sick and thinking up ways to make the next 6 months go faster until i am better. So this seemed like a fun option.
So how did i get to where i am today? I like to blame it on myself and the way i am. I have a tendancy to want to learn the hard way... my way. And to be quite honest it works well. I like to think i have knowledge different to others that havnt gone down the paths i have. Or at least a better understanding of that knowledge.
To answer why i am on this medical treatment... well its mainly my fault. I was the one who held out my arm as my ex boyfriend injected my vein with hepatitis mixed with sweet heroin. Although i could argue that many things (depression, parent troubles, bulimia) lead to a need to escape into drugs it was ultimately my choice. In the end i dont regret anything because everything i have been through has made me a better person.
Anyways i am quite tired and bed is calling. I will write soon.
Acka XoXo