Tuesday, November 30, 2010
I dont know if any of you have heard of this site before... i hadnt until today. You basically answer questions and for every correct answer they donate rice to starving people in underdeveloped countries. It was in a post on PT today and i just think it is totally awesome.
Then i thought i should tell my wonderful followers incase they didnt know. that lead to me thinking not only is this great for the world but also a great distraction for us. I thought we could start a group on freerice and get as much rice as we can. So this is my profile on there...
Add me as a friend. If i get over 5 friends i will make a group.
I will totally love you forever if you do this. Xo
In other news... my hair is falling out :( not coz of malnutrition coz of dirty liver treatment. Also my skin has gone to shit. Its all dry, especially on my face. It looks like i have herpes. I finish treatment in 2 days though so it should get better in the next few weeks. I possibly wont be posting much this coming weekend as i am super busy being social and fun for once. My friends and i have tickets for Stereosonic music festival where we will go and dance and just generally be stupid. I was going to have a few drinks there seeing now after 8 months i am allowed to. But nooo because i am poor. I just forked our $200 for Sydney Mardi Gras next year. So goodbye savings. Theres so many things i need to buy right now and i just cant. Its a bit sad.
Anyhoo what is the next purchase on your shopping lists girls? Can you afford it? Do you really need it?
Stay Safe Xo
Sunday, November 28, 2010
Which actress would i turn gay for... now this is hard... probably Summer Glau. She is hot!
And if could have 5 people to dinner (dead or alive) i would have... Nostradamus, Moses, Freud, a translator (because non of those people speak english) and Jensen Ackles (to stay back and help "clean up"). Yep pretty much the best selection of dinner guests ever!
Today i had my STAT ("try and get into uni test" for those who dont know). i think i did alright because i answered all the questions but i wont truly know until i get the results and then hopefully a place. The girl who sat in front of me could have been a model she was so thin... all i could think before i started my test was... "how do all her organs fit in that tiny body?"
Appart from that i was also thinking about how best to get away from the girl behind me, who although i couldnt see, i could hear sniffling and sneezing at me. I could just feel the germs on my back. Eeewww!
Well id love to stay and chat but i didnt sleep last night and bed is calling me. Take care. Xo
Saturday, November 27, 2010
Well kids seeing as you wanted it. And you know i cant say no to such beautiful people, here is a new cartoon. I entitle this... "The Difference between Mirander Kerr and Me."
Friday, November 26, 2010
Thursday, November 25, 2010
Baby Got Back - Sir Mix-a-lot FTW! Lol i wish someone would "love my healthy butt." I wish i could love it actually.
I am feeling really good today :)
I woke up early and went to the hospital with my friend. I didnt ends up going to ikea, but i didnt mind. everything just felt great... to the point i was laughing and annoying my friend pretending to be a inflatable flailing armed tube man!
Ive eaten approx 1400 cals today and i dont even care that much! that is how good today is.
Wednesday, November 24, 2010
Ive been purging way too much and my mind is really fucking with me. Yesterday i found out 2 of my friends had gone to the beach and not invited me. i was up half the night thinking it was because im fat and they wouldnt want to be seen with me at the beach. But then if they had asked i probably would have said no anyway, because social situations are just overwhelming for me at the moment. Maybe that could be another reason they didnt ask me.
If i keep going like this im going to have no friends at all. But i dont know how to stop. Its just instinct for me now. Im not getting professional help tho because i have tried that before and it was just hell. Half the people didnt even know what they were talking about. I had one doctor tell me to grow up and get a life.
I dont even like the taste of food at the moment. Everything tastes bad. When i get hungry i crave junk and then i binge and purge it. I dont enjoy it at all. eh... sorry about the annoying rant. ill talk about something else now.
Sooo.... tomorrow im going to the hospital so they can steal my blood, and then going to ikea with a friend so they can buy hously items. I love ikea so much though. I could seriously spend a whole day in there just looking around. Ive also been invited to a kickboxing class with my friend. Ive never been to a class before and to be honest i am terrified. People in general unnerve me and people watching me exercise... well i could possible die. It was hard enough to get myself to go to the gym (really small gym, that is 24 hour so i can go at night for less people) and to be honest i havnt been there for 3 weeks coz im scared of my new trainer. Why am i scared of everything?!!!
What are you scared of girls? the dark? the boogie man? getting fat... Hell yeah im scared of that! Xo
Tuesday, November 23, 2010
so today ive done sit ups, push ups, squats, lunges, strectches, 1/2 hour walk in the sun and now finishing with and hour or so ride in the dark.
There is banana sitting literally right in front of me. i thought i wanted to eat it, then i changed my mind... now i just dont know what to do with the damn thing. It is taunting me! eat me it says... eat me! i am high in potassium, which is a vitamin your body is possibly craving. i am tasty and filling but i contain 100 cals making it impossibly hard for you to decide to eat me.
Ive already had approx 900cals today, but net cals would be much less... goddamn you hunger!
Maybe the banana should be a reward for completing the bike ride... but then i shouldnt reward exercising with food coz that just undoes everything... aaaahhhh!
So girls how are you? Has any evil foods been taunting you today? I hope not. Xo
Sunday, November 21, 2010
I think im going crazy. Im somewhat scared to go outside. I dont want to see or talk to people. yet at the same time i want someone to hold me and just understand. tell me eveything is going to be alright. Life doesnt work like that though. I just have to keep pushing through.
A lot of my friends just seem too immature at the moment. I just seem so lonely because im not in a good position to find new ones outside the internet arena presently.
Christmas is coming up... im trying to think of good presents to give the family. I dont like Christmas by the way. I dont see the point of it as i am not at all religious, i would rather give presents on my own accord not because i have to and it stresses everyone out. Especially me as i like my gifts to be unique or tailored to the recipiant.
I thought i would give passionfruit vines to my parents. a female for mummy and a male for daddy and then the vines could germinate and have passionfruit babies.... for me to eat :P
Its harder to think of gifts for my sis and 2 brothers. Sure chocolate and playstation games would do but... anyone could get them that. Im thinking some kind of pets... but i am sure to get in trouble for that and get asked to take them back.
And then there is grandma. I already got her a colouring book called "I Love My Grandma" for her birthday so she could colour it in. Now im out of ideas. Do you lovelies have any suggestions? My sis is 18, bros are 12 and 15, and grandma is old... obviously.What do you want for Xmas? Dont say anything obvious like "to lose 50lbs" coz we want that all the time. something realistic.
Much Love. Xo
Saturday, November 20, 2010
Friday, November 19, 2010
Ahhh food is bad even when you dont eat it! I have a itchy rash on my wrist from cutting up chicken. I didnt even eat the damn stuff. Just did the completely normal thing of weighing it out into 100 gram portions then freezing it for later. Do any of you guys weigh your food? sometimes i just get the desire to weigh everything.
So i started a fast at 7pm tonight just for funsies. im not puting a limit on it im just gonna see how far i can go, then beat that on the next fast and so on and so forth. So according to my calculations i have gone 6 hours and 37 mins without food. Obviously im not very far in.
I can not wait til i move out. Ive started looking for houses with my friends and ive already been thinking about grocery shopping (think best value and how long can i make it last and get all zee vitamins with the smallest amount of eating). Seriously my mind doesnt stray far does it... food food food.
I have to get back into the gym routine! ive been noticing a pattern... i go full force at it for 2 weeks, then i just give up and lock myself inside for 2 weeks and then i get guilty and the cycle starts again.
Ima feeling a bit better since taking my pills again. Why cant my brain just work properly by itself.
Ooooh... Good news kiddies! Just took my 2nd last injection, which means i will be feeling fitter and healthier in a month if not less time :) then after that i am free to ruin my new liver!!! which of course i am going to try not to do. despite being a fool i have learnt somewhat of a lesson from this experience... it sucks. So drugs and drinks are only for special occasions eg. festivals or birthdays.
P.S going to Sydney for Mardi Gras next year! Sooo excited! Ima be the coolest fag hag there! and my little gay boy will have so much fun. just thinking about my baby shaking his thang for the boys... awww
Yeh you may be able to tell that im in a wierd hyper mood. Possibly a good thing, possibly a bad thing if i crash. Anyhooo i was thinking of making a new email/msn address so that i could chat to all you beauties when im lonesome. If you like this idea let me know and ill do it :)
Stay strong and lots of love. Xo
Tuesday, November 16, 2010
If anyone is following me and im not following you back just leave a comment and i will do so. Xo
Sunday, November 14, 2010
This means now more than ever i cannot let myself binge. Without purging i will be the size of a house next week. So im making a new plan...
Its pretty simple - under 1000 cal 5 days a week. Fast 1 day. Under 1500 for 1 day (this will be saved for social occaisions). The thought process behind it goes... i have to eat enough cals that i wont go crazy and binge, or die when im at the gym, coz treatment takes a lot out of me in conjunction with not eating. but i have to lose wieght as well. lots of weight! right now my mind i screaming at me... 1000cal is too much... why not fast forever!?
Although if i say under 1000 then 0 is still under 1000.... mwahaha!
Anyways to kick it off i will be fasting 2moro after gym. This time im going to stick it out... i have to!
Thursday, November 11, 2010
Probably the best thing to to would be to start on last Tuesday which i was pumped for and then turned into somewhat of a fiasco... So ive recently made a new friend who is nuts about biking (like mountain and road bikes) and we decided to go on nice ride around my area. Knowing this social activity would be burning calories i agreed. He told me would be riding 15kms which i thought would be ok if i took it easy. Because of my liver treatment i cant do too much exercise else i get really sick. We later worked out we had gone 22kms when this happened...
Can anyone say embarrasing? anyway me being stupid and not wanting to look weak kept going after this. didnt get far before we had to stop and i had to sit down before i fainted. We had to call a cab to take us home. Then because i couldnt keep anything down, inculding water, and i was muchly dehydrated. He got me gastrolyte and saladas.
After i was feeling better i remembered my tofu which was marinating in the fridge. I thought i had got all the liquid out but when i cooked it, it went all sloppy :( i tried to eat some anyway and came to the realisation that satay marinade isnt as tasty as i thought it would be. so i threw it out.
By then it was about midnight and i was wrecked. but my mind was all "yay lets not sleep!" so i didnt go to bed until 3am. Where i found THE MOTH! ...It didnt die for an hour!
The next day contained the dreaded banoffee pie and mexican food for dinner. Its times like this where i think friends are bad for me.
Thursday was my actual birthday, which began with my aunt taking me to a chocolate shop/ cafe for lunch. I just had a salad sandwich and gave the chocolate to my brothers later. they were a million time happier with it than me. I thought that hurdle was over... NO... 10 minutes later i unwrapped a massive box of chocolates from my sister and candy accompanied grandma's birthday money. i got a hairdryer that i wanted from my parents and my brothers gave me an itunes voucher... i was so thankful for those non food gifts.
Birthday dinner was a bbq which was ok coz i just had a little bit of steak and a heap of salad. The cheesecake (speacially made by mother dearest) was the desert and my birthday cake which i had to have some of. Ironically while i was eating this my personal trainer rang reminding me i had a session today.
So therefore today i went to the gym. how he forgot the session during the night i dont know. but he turned up late and we didnt end up doing it anyway. I just did my own workout and now i feel like i havnt done anything at all for some reason. Eh
I think that is it, i will make a new post if anything else pops up. Much love Xo
Wednesday, November 10, 2010
Sunday, November 7, 2010
MadelinaCooke - Omg yes! at least 5kg by Chrissy. We can do it gorgeous!
morbid.diathesis - Above and beyond are my absolute fave artist at the moment. their music is just great for chilling or reminiscing. always just makes me sit there and think and be calm. If you are into alternative Birds Of Tokyo are good or for creepy psycho music try out Velvet Acid Christ.
So i just got back from the shops where i bought tofu for the first time ever. On finding it was only 46 cals a serve and under $2 i couldnt resist. Im going to try it for din dins tonight. thought i would do it satay with some veggies. What do you think? Any other suggestions?
This has been made worse by the fact i have skipped taking my happy pills for 3 days and my brain is rebelling. So yeh im sorry for all the annoying and emotional posts blabbing on about randomness.
But seriously my intake over the past few days has been atrocious. I really need to get a move on dropping these pounds. i have been the same weight for the past 3 months. its horrible. sure i havnt gained but if i had tried harder i could have lost at least another 10kg by now.
Anyways i cant really think of much to say right now so you guys can ask me questions. Anything you want to ask just go for it. if you think of something and arent going to write it coz you think its rude... i dont care! do it. i love you all very much. every one of my followers is an inspiration to me. xo
Saturday, November 6, 2010
Eric has accepted your invitation to start Backgammon.
a game of backgammon with the gents
how was polo this morning old chap?
havnt played polo for a while, sadly
oh thats right not since ur riding accident
so, what do i do?
and remember, i play bike polo
earnest is such a wild horse
so theres a lot of accidents, no tramplings
no u fell off ernest the horse
can you tell me how to play??
oh u dont know?
as you may have quessed from me asking three times
i suppose u were drunk last week when we played cedric
too much whiskey
(noYe:my brain does not deal well with sidetracking when it doesnt compehend something)
(if theres something i dont understand, i cant bloody deal with anything els till i do)
have you noticed the new hearth?
(was a hint to give up on that part)
well backgammon is a game of ye olde gentlemen
so i thought u would know how to play
damn, just found the rules, and i closed the thing
it doesnt matter we can take the hounds for a stroll
you need brandy
(*urge to kick things*)
no they didnt have footy in those days
(i am trying so hard not to say fuck off)
although i think they beat children and slaves
)but there, i have)
oh am i annoying you?
sorry im overly tired
you didnt get the hint?
i do this sometimes
and i do this sometimes
get irrationally stressed by combinations of things
oh ok im sorry
the game didnt really matter i thought we were having fun just talking about nothing
I dont think he was impressed.
Friday, November 5, 2010
Would it be incredibly mean to invite a boy over for cuddles but nothing else? i want company, but i dont want sex or a boyfriend. most of all i dont want any kisses. Im pretty sure he likes me, but i dont like him any more than a friend. it just feels mean to make him come to my house get a cuddle then ask him to leave.
Im in a needy mood today. i dont like it. need to be less dependant on others.
Cals for today... approx 1300. Too much.
Exercise - 1 hour walk. Not enough.
Wednesday, November 3, 2010
Now ive been noticing a trend in the blogs ive been reading lately... everyone (not really everyone but more people than usual) is having birthdays this month. Go all you sexy scorpios. I am preparing for a lot of people to think im crazier than usual right now coz... i may have a small belief in astrology. and im not saying everyone that is born in the same month is exactly the same because they arent, but for those who dont know every person will have a different astrological natal chart even if they are born on the same day.
Anyways ive read my natal chart for years and always thought that the influence of scorpio/pluto may have had something to do with my eating disorder. I do have a pluto sun conjuction, which is said to intensify certain aspects of personality depending on the sign it is in. mine is in scorpio which i find intensifies my selfdestructive streak.
If anyone is interested in this please talk to me. i would love to have a good convo about it.
Here are some links that might help people understand or learn more.
http://alabe.com/freechart/ <<<< this gives you a pretty simple natal chart.
http://www.chaosastrology.net/freeastrologyreports.cfm <<< more in depth chart and interpretation.