Sunday, November 14, 2010

Ahhh Fuck

Broke the fast last night because i felt like i was going to pass out. Im so sorry! I let myself and everyone else down. Then i freaked out and tried to purge and i couldnt. I just couldnt. Its been getting harder and harder for me to purge the last few weeks and i seriously dont know whats the deal. Ive been doing it for over 6 years now and its been so simple for me. Now suddenly just no.
This means now more than ever i cannot let myself binge. Without purging i will be the size of a house next week. So im making a new plan...
Its pretty simple - under 1000 cal 5 days a week. Fast 1 day. Under 1500 for 1 day (this will be saved for social occaisions). The thought process behind it goes... i have to eat enough cals that i wont go crazy and binge, or die when im at the gym, coz treatment takes a lot out of me in conjunction with not eating. but i have to lose wieght as well. lots of weight! right now my mind i screaming at me... 1000cal is too much... why not fast forever!?
Although if i say under 1000 then 0 is still under 1000.... mwahaha!
Anyways to kick it off i will be fasting 2moro after gym. This time im going to stick it out... i have to!


  1. good luck on ur new plan it sounds good to me

  2. Yeah I'm having that problem too, the purging gets harder to do now for some reason?
    Hang in there

  3. breaking the fast was definitely the right thing to do if you felt pass-out weak. you must always take care of yourself! the new plan sounds good! it will help you ward off those binges :P
    stay strong and good luck xx

  4. Don't feel bad sweetie, it takes a lot of will power to make it through any amount of time without food. Good luck on this plan you can do it! xoxox

  5. Good luck hun! Don't beat yourself up too much about breaking the fast. You don't want to pass out!

  6. Long-time reader, first-time commenter here :)
    Don't beat yourself up about breaking the fast, I'm glad you're strong enough to know when you need something in your system.
    On the subject of not being able to purge: I've NEVER been able to, no matter what I've tried. I have no idea why. But thinking about that is actually something that helps keep me from binging (or at least when I do binge, I can stop it a bit earlier) because I know that I'll only be able to counter it with exercise. So maybe knowing that it's a bit harder lately will give you just that little extra willpower to send you to the top!
    Take care of yourself xoxo

  7. Good for you for knowing when to stop! It's always better to break a fast early than to pass out, y'know?

    Sounds like a good plan though =] Gradually reducing intakes to prevent binging is always a good idea.

    Much love! <3

  8. You'll never let us down, no matter what size you are. You'll make it to where you want, some time. And that in itself is inspiring enough :)
    Do take care, don't be too hard on yourself.
    You're lovely. x

  9. Good luck we are all here for support! =]


  10. Good plan, good luck girl! Sounds like you've got everything together :)

  11. I like the new plan. Sounds much safer than a fast!! :) Loveeeee you!