Broke the fast last night because i felt like i was going to pass out. Im so sorry! I let myself and everyone else down. Then i freaked out and tried to purge and i couldnt. I just couldnt. Its been getting harder and harder for me to purge the last few weeks and i seriously dont know whats the deal. Ive been doing it for over 6 years now and its been so simple for me. Now suddenly just no.
This means now more than ever i cannot let myself binge. Without purging i will be the size of a house next week. So im making a new plan...
Its pretty simple - under 1000 cal 5 days a week. Fast 1 day. Under 1500 for 1 day (this will be saved for social occaisions). The thought process behind it goes... i have to eat enough cals that i wont go crazy and binge, or die when im at the gym, coz treatment takes a lot out of me in conjunction with not eating. but i have to lose wieght as well. lots of weight! right now my mind i screaming at me... 1000cal is too much... why not fast forever!?
Although if i say under 1000 then 0 is still under 1000.... mwahaha!
Anyways to kick it off i will be fasting 2moro after gym. This time im going to stick it out... i have to!