Sunday, November 14, 2010

Ahhh Fuck

Broke the fast last night because i felt like i was going to pass out. Im so sorry! I let myself and everyone else down. Then i freaked out and tried to purge and i couldnt. I just couldnt. Its been getting harder and harder for me to purge the last few weeks and i seriously dont know whats the deal. Ive been doing it for over 6 years now and its been so simple for me. Now suddenly just no.
This means now more than ever i cannot let myself binge. Without purging i will be the size of a house next week. So im making a new plan...
Its pretty simple - under 1000 cal 5 days a week. Fast 1 day. Under 1500 for 1 day (this will be saved for social occaisions). The thought process behind it goes... i have to eat enough cals that i wont go crazy and binge, or die when im at the gym, coz treatment takes a lot out of me in conjunction with not eating. but i have to lose wieght as well. lots of weight! right now my mind i screaming at me... 1000cal is too much... why not fast forever!?
Although if i say under 1000 then 0 is still under 1000.... mwahaha!
Anyways to kick it off i will be fasting 2moro after gym. This time im going to stick it out... i have to!

11 comments:

  1. good luck on ur new plan it sounds good to me

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  2. Yeah I'm having that problem too, the purging gets harder to do now for some reason?
    Hang in there

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  3. breaking the fast was definitely the right thing to do if you felt pass-out weak. you must always take care of yourself! the new plan sounds good! it will help you ward off those binges :P
    stay strong and good luck xx

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  4. Don't feel bad sweetie, it takes a lot of will power to make it through any amount of time without food. Good luck on this plan you can do it! xoxox

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  5. Good luck hun! Don't beat yourself up too much about breaking the fast. You don't want to pass out!
    xoxoxo

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  6. Long-time reader, first-time commenter here :)
    Don't beat yourself up about breaking the fast, I'm glad you're strong enough to know when you need something in your system.
    On the subject of not being able to purge: I've NEVER been able to, no matter what I've tried. I have no idea why. But thinking about that is actually something that helps keep me from binging (or at least when I do binge, I can stop it a bit earlier) because I know that I'll only be able to counter it with exercise. So maybe knowing that it's a bit harder lately will give you just that little extra willpower to send you to the top!
    Take care of yourself xoxo

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  7. Good for you for knowing when to stop! It's always better to break a fast early than to pass out, y'know?

    Sounds like a good plan though =] Gradually reducing intakes to prevent binging is always a good idea.

    Much love! <3

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  8. You'll never let us down, no matter what size you are. You'll make it to where you want, some time. And that in itself is inspiring enough :)
    x
    Do take care, don't be too hard on yourself.
    You're lovely. x

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  9. Good luck we are all here for support! =]

    Love.E.xoxo

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  10. Good plan, good luck girl! Sounds like you've got everything together :)

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  11. I like the new plan. Sounds much safer than a fast!! :) Loveeeee you!
    <3

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