Wednesday, January 19, 2011

New Blog

hey guys.
I am making a new blog. i will be keeping this one up to look back on later in life and to come back to if i need. i will probs post here now and then but i think the new blog will be the place i will post mostly.
Im really excited about creating a new place for my thoughts. It is going to be a bit more artistic and ive already come up with a theme for the blog and an alias for myself that fits it perfectly.
So i am off to start my little project. i will post the address for you lovelies to add when im finished. love you all. xo

Saturday, January 15, 2011

Sorry

I havent done a post for ages and this one will not make up for missed time because its another quicky. im at my parents house and am being sneaky while they watch the news. Checked my weight the other day... same as usual :( at least i havnt gained.
Shit is going on with my friends... it seems that im losing them all. I dont even know if its completely my fault or not. im in a depressed mood today. so this post probably sounds more gloomy that an average day. i miss all of you. the whole community vibe. hopefully i will be back with regular posting soon. Xo

Thursday, January 6, 2011

Wow Im Actually A Bit Proud.

For the past few weeks ive been in an depressive "life sucks/ i suck at life" kind of mood. Today for some reason i was enlightened to the fact that i should be happy and even a little proud of who i am and where i am in life considering my past. Two years ago on this day i was dating a junkie and running around with him begging for money to buy drugs, unknowingly getting his hepatitis.
Since then i have finished high school, and finished treatment so i dont have hep C anymore, lost a lot of weight, put on a lot of weight, then lost the weight i put on, and through this kept up a reasonably good social life. I could have ended up in worse situations.
And going through that shit is not exactly easy. Its not easy to accept you have a virus in your blood, it makes you feel dirty, like you could infect anyone by getting a papercut. I found it worse trying to accept the fact that because of what i did i am now years behind all of my friends in terms of moving forward with life, becoming more independent. I have 2 years with no work to put on my resume.
But ive realise i should leave that in the past, where it belongs. I have learnt and grown from those experiences, i cant obsess about what could have been. I have to focus on what i could be in the future and work towards it.
So sure i dont have a job at the moment, i make myself throw up and sometimes i can get a bit down, but with a little effort i can get through the bad stuff and appreciate the good things that the past, present and future hold.
Please if anyone is feeling that life has dealt them bad cards or that you want to give up, remember this... Life is beautiful, everything we go through is a part of that beauty. We could never appreciate that which is good without appreciating the bad. A raging fire destroying everything in its path can be magnificent when viewed from afar. It leaves the land desolate and broken, but from that land new life grows which is stronger than ever before.
Im being a little poetic and philosophical but this analogy can work for people too. Accept the negative and work towards the positive. then look back and see the beauty you have experienced.
These pics are of the Black Saturday Bushfires that happened 2 years ago near where i live.



Much love to all. Xo


Sunday, January 2, 2011

DIY Detox

Im taking the next 3 days to calm the fuck down! Not from weightloss... obviously i have plenty more to lose... but from the drinking and the drugsies and the binging and purging.
So i ended up going to the music festival on NYD after getting completely stoned the night before. I was so drunk and later i was off my head on E. It was actually a really good day. I liked the music more than i had expected and just had fun.
The day after sucks hairy balls... obviously i was hungover... so i decided to take the rest of the E... bad idea! after 5 hours i thought i would be fine to catch the train home by myself... Wrong!
So paranoid and feeling sick. i swear everyone was looking at me like i was insane. i needed water badly too. So i had 15 minutes waiting for my connecting train so i went on a mission to get earphones for my ipod (they were mysteriously lost) and water. seems like a pretty simple task? No! 90% of the godamn shops were closed for holiday period. i went to coles and iga neither of them contained the listening device i needed. i actually really needed it. i simply cannot do public transport without blocking everything out. especially in the state i was in. I felt like i was going to cry coz i hadnt taken my good drugs in 3 days as they were mysteriously lost too. i found the earphones in a little convenieance shop. where the guy probs couldnt understand what i was saying coz i was babbling on like a crazy cat lady. i ran back to the station to realise id forgotton my water. with 1 minute till my train came i was madly throwing coins at a vending machine.
I got the water jumped to the train and curled up on the seat with my cheapo haedphones that sounded funny but did the job. in that moment i felt like the most accomplished freak on the planet. 1 second later i realised i shouldnt take drugs ever again! EVER!
So my week of letting loose is over and i am on the road to becoming a slighly more sane person again.
I have hapsa other stuff to say but i need sleep so im gona dot point it
- i realised my bestie is also to blame in the whole situation... he is being really selfish, bitchy and immature atm. maybe we just need some time appart to cool down. i could never shut him out completely coz i know his good side as well as his bad. but i am not going to act like a bad person just to spend time with him while he is like this.
- im pretty sure ive put on 10000kgs. i just feel fat. ive been eating really badly coz of being drunk and stupid in general. the detox will change that!
- 100 followers FTW!!!! I love all of you! seriously you guys are awesome... your comments mean so much to me. HUGS all round. XOXO