Thursday, January 6, 2011

Wow Im Actually A Bit Proud.

For the past few weeks ive been in an depressive "life sucks/ i suck at life" kind of mood. Today for some reason i was enlightened to the fact that i should be happy and even a little proud of who i am and where i am in life considering my past. Two years ago on this day i was dating a junkie and running around with him begging for money to buy drugs, unknowingly getting his hepatitis.
Since then i have finished high school, and finished treatment so i dont have hep C anymore, lost a lot of weight, put on a lot of weight, then lost the weight i put on, and through this kept up a reasonably good social life. I could have ended up in worse situations.
And going through that shit is not exactly easy. Its not easy to accept you have a virus in your blood, it makes you feel dirty, like you could infect anyone by getting a papercut. I found it worse trying to accept the fact that because of what i did i am now years behind all of my friends in terms of moving forward with life, becoming more independent. I have 2 years with no work to put on my resume.
But ive realise i should leave that in the past, where it belongs. I have learnt and grown from those experiences, i cant obsess about what could have been. I have to focus on what i could be in the future and work towards it.
So sure i dont have a job at the moment, i make myself throw up and sometimes i can get a bit down, but with a little effort i can get through the bad stuff and appreciate the good things that the past, present and future hold.
Please if anyone is feeling that life has dealt them bad cards or that you want to give up, remember this... Life is beautiful, everything we go through is a part of that beauty. We could never appreciate that which is good without appreciating the bad. A raging fire destroying everything in its path can be magnificent when viewed from afar. It leaves the land desolate and broken, but from that land new life grows which is stronger than ever before.
Im being a little poetic and philosophical but this analogy can work for people too. Accept the negative and work towards the positive. then look back and see the beauty you have experienced.
These pics are of the Black Saturday Bushfires that happened 2 years ago near where i live.



Much love to all. Xo


7 comments:

  1. I loved this post, It´s great you are leaving the past behind you =)
    xx

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  2. I love it too. Very good. Having gratitude is the best feeling. I'm grateful for your gratitude :-)

    xo

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  3. aaaaaaa
    beautiful.
    I kinda want to stand up and applaud you. :P
    The past belongs in the past. It shaped us but does not dictate who we are.
    What does your future hold? x

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  4. I "like" this. I think it is good that you see this. Just remember it for yourself. =)

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  5. good for u for leaving the past behind u ur very strong

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  6. I love you.

    Darling if you like, my new blog address is http://fragmentsofbella.blogspot.com/

    Do take caaare.

    xxx Bella

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  7. Hi Im from Pretty thin and seen your blog! Im out to meet new people and hear their stories!! I have had 3 other blogs now but been deleted as some random reported me!! So I am here once again trying to get my story out there to =)

    Just keep looking forward!! The Victoria fires where so sad =( and now the Queensland floods =(

    Bree

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