Monday, February 28, 2011

Uni

Today is my 2nd day at uni. I currently have 20mins until my next class so im taking the time to update you lovelies on the life and time of moi.
Ive just discovered that if i do well enough in this course over the next four years that i could be offered a scholarship for my doctorate. So im in a wierdly positive i can do everything mode. Im listening to a lecture right now as i type. im aiming to get at least a distinction in every assignment/exam.
So far my course (Psychology/ Bachelor of Social Science) seems interesting enough, some of the info i already know.
Yesterday i had 2 2hour gaps between classes and i unfortunately didnt use that time in the best way... i should have just threw $20 down the toilet; wouldnt have had as much of a sore throat and that guilty feeling that way.
Anyways i have to get going as i need to use the lavatory before my next class starts. i will post again soon my beautifuls. Xo

Thursday, February 24, 2011

Nom nom nom... Blarggh

Hey guys,
Just purged... Whats new? lol. Anywhoo before that i ate what was probably the most sickly and disgucting concoction ever and is probably in the files of http://www.thisiswhyyourefat.com/
Yes you see it contained... an egg, 4 bacon rashers, a slice of cheese, a hashbrown and bbq sauce all on a bread roll. Pretty much heart attack on a plate. I also had a peice of cheesecake. All gone down the drain within 5 mins of purging. why do i do this to myself... if i wasnt bulimic i wouldnt ever eat that EVER! I only ate it coz i knew i could purge it. This is why i should not be left home alone with a house full of food. So yeh i feel like a giant disgusting pig right now.
I had uni orientation yesterday, which went well. I made friends and am now excited and a little less scared for my first day back learning on monday. I saw one girl who was quite obviously a cutter. I felt so sorry for her coz she had scars all over her arm. not fresh ones so im hoping that they are all just old and she has stopped now. im so glad i stopped doing that, i only have a few scars and they are barely visible now. So a shout out to all cutters, please think twice before hurting yourselves, try going for a run or getting a release some other way that isnt going to scar. You are all beautiful. Xo

Friday, February 18, 2011

Stalkers

As you can probably see ive changed the title and background of my blog. I think the title suits me better and the background echos the title. I ate well today until i realised there was french onion dip in the fridge. i had eaten a bowl of cereal 6 hours earlier and i was craving food so bad. At least i havnt purged today... yet.

During the past few months i have been having a stalker on facebook. This guy would message me at least once a week begging me to add him as a friend. He even went as far as to say and i quote "i need you, i love you." while vaguely entertaining it was also quite annoying. After ignoring him for 5 months he seems to have gone away... but now i have a new one...

I decided to meet a random off the internet last week. He seemed to be a nice guy but we really didnt connect. After the date if you can call it that he kept texting me, which was fine until i got this... "i cant wait to taste how sweet you are"... now yes my mind is in the gutter a lot of the time but i am sure im not the only one who gets a dirty vibe out of this. Obviously i ignore him after this but now it seems he just wont go away. Grrr.

Love you guys a hell of a lot more than dirty men. Xo

Wednesday, February 16, 2011

Fatty Boombah

Good morning sunshines!
This past week i realised how much i need this blog. While i havnt been posting ive been eating soo much junk. The scales say ive put on nearly 2 kg :( im purging everyday but still eating more after i purge! im just disgusting.
I have to post more to help me keep track of my eating and to be inspired by you lovelies. So today im starting the turn around. Detox time. So far ibe had some green tea... which was jasmine flavoured but some how tasted like banana... wierd.
Im going to now complain about how bad i feel in all of my clothes... seriously its like i cant wear anything that looks good. i have one outfit that covers all the problem areas but that is in the wash coz obviously im alays wearing it. Even bras and undies are getting me down... stupid back boobs and muffin top :( waaahhh!
Anyway to good news... I had a job interview last night. It was a group interview and i think i did alright compared to the other people who were there. There was one point where i turned bright red and forgot half the stuff i was going to say but appart from that it all went alright.
tonight im going out with my friends (note to self: be less social coz i eat more with my friends).
im going to a club but i dont think i will drink coz of calories and my liver being all grumpy at me.
Anyways im off to the gym. Ciao bellas. X0

Saturday, February 12, 2011

Love You Lots

I am so happy to come back after weeks of not posting to find everyone still following me. When i just saw the comments i got from my last post it seriously warmed my heart. I thought people would have forgotton about me or deleted me, but actually i have more followers than ever :)
Right this moment i am styffing my self with food preparing for a purge. Do any of you find that after you have eaten a certain amount and you know you are going to purge that you purposely eat more before you do it? My dad brought kfc for dinner... which of course is not staying in... i had my twister and was full but i forced my self to eat 3 muesli bars and a bowl of cereal before i purge... which will be... right now

Thursday, February 10, 2011

So Awake... Yet So Tired

hey kids,
its 2:15am and im at my friends house supposed to be asleep. im on his computer so i hope he wont be able to see this.
he and i went for a jog/walk today... i vomited at the end coz im so unfit.
since been back at my parents ive been binging more and exercising way less. i feel guilty fat and disgusting. i have to get my arse back to the gym.
My stomach ulcer is playing up again... probably coz i cant stop purging half the things i eat. ive actually considered getting help... actually going thru with it is another matter.
the pain in my tummy right now is so bad and i know if i eat something it will feel better and i might be able to get some sleep... but i just dont want to eat. i feel that ive been eating more to ease the pain of the stomach ulcer and i dont want/need to continue doing that.
i also want to see the doctor about it but last time i went he said i would need a gastroscopy (where they put a camera/tube down ur throat to see inside the stomach.)
i dont want anyone to know i purge. im scared for my health but i just cant let it go.
i dont even know why i do it. is not even about being skinny coz im not skinny at all.... pfft im just trying to work things out in my head by blabbing to you beautiful people.
so on to good news... the little brothers started school this week. so that means more quality time on the computer alone, by myself, with no one looking. So i can blog more frequently. yaysies. ive missed you guys sooo much. but now im back in action!
so i will see you lovelies soon for the next exciting instalment of my boring life. xoxo

Thursday, February 3, 2011

Updatin'

i know i suck at posting right now.... im seriously not gone forever. just biding my time until i can get the privacy i need.
long story short i am stuck at my parents house where my internet doesnt work coz they live up a mountain. their computer (the one im on now) does have internet (a different company) but is in the middle of the house so everyone can see what im doing unless they are all out. On top of that this computer is old and shit so i have no sound either.
unfortunately it is still school holidays here and my brothers are here all the time. this is the first time in weeks i have got a slight bit of time to myself... yet it could be taken at anytime as my brother is only in the other room and my mum is coming home soon.
So to update... there will be a new blog, it will be connected to this one and will be there for me to post my veiws on the world and philosophise about crap rather than talk about how fat i am. All this will probably be up in the next 2 weeks coz school holidays will be over and ill have some quality computer time.