Monday, March 28, 2011

yep...

Still fat... just binged majorly and didnt purge for a change. my skin is crawling. i can just feel the fat cells growing and multiplying. i am a beast

Sunday, March 13, 2011

Normal?

Lately ive been realising that in terms of my bulimia it seems like nothing can scare me enough to make me stop. The gastroscopy came back clear. Maybe thats a good thing maybe its bad. I still have stomach pain and no answer to why. All i know is its not a stomach ulcer and its not gall stones. The point is the pain should scare me, all the doctors visits and medical procedures should scare me into stopping... but they dont. If anything the binging and purging is getting more frequent. I just take it as a normal part of life. I will even go out for dinner with friends and casually go to the toilet after to purge. They have no idea. Its becoming to normal. like whenever i get a chance to binge i will. Its just another task in the day. I know i need to stop but i dont know how. Its like telling someone not to walk or talk or breathe even. That sounds overdramatic but its how i feel right now. Eh im just venting my frustrations. hope you all are having a good day. Xo

Thursday, March 10, 2011

Mardi gras




^Tony Abbott and Julia Gillard Impersonations^
So funny! there was one point when Tony was pretending to do Julia from behind


Me... could have been thinner obviously.

Tuesday, March 8, 2011

Gastroscopy

So in an hour i will be on my way to get my tummy checked out to see if i actually have a stomach ulcer and to find out how bad it is. Im going under general aneasthetic (sp?) for the first time so im kinda nervous. They put a tube with a camera down my throat and somehow take samples of my stomach for testing. I am supposed to fast 6 hours before but so far ive done about 15 hours without food. So i guess this could be a positive. Ive been told it wont hurt so im hoping the doctor isnt lying. I should get the results in 2 weeks so ill let you know how things go then.
In other news i just got back from Sydney Gay Mardi Gras 2 days ago. The weekend was interesting to say the least. I will update you all on that tomorrow though. I hope everyone is going goos and acheiving their goals. Take care. Xo