Saturday, May 7, 2011

Sulking

been staying with the boy for the past few days... trying so hard not to purge. i cried this morning when i realised how many calories i have kept in. how fat i am how much fatter i will become. how disgusting i am when i eat, how disgusting i am when i purge.
so two purge free days equals how many extra kilos?
i was trying to relax... eat what he eats (which is binge food to me) and not purge.
he asked what was wrong... how do i explain to a rational person and make them understand my irrational thoughts. he knows about this blog... he knows about my "problem"... he doesnt understand though. why he hasnt left me already is beyond me. how can he kiss me when he knows i gorge myself on food and stick me head down a toilet to vomit it up? how can he cuddle me and not be disgusted by all the fat?
I want to be a normal person... i want him to have a normal girlfriend... but what is normal?

3 comments:

  1. i dont think ne of us know what nomral is exaclty i think we all have our own versions in our heads

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  2. Normal is defined by every individual differently. What seems normal to us might not seem normal to others.
    I'm sure he likes you for who you are. Good luck you two!
    Love

    ~ Meg

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  3. Wow, I guess you can see that he truly loves you! That's such a beautiful thing. :D You're a lucky girl.
    <3

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