Wednesday, July 27, 2011

i... dont know

1:55am... im so hungry.

binged and purged twice yesterday.

i am close to falling. there are but a few steps to the edge.

i want to express all that i am thinking. all that i am feeling. but there is no meaning. it all boils down to nothing. I am what i am...

i dont want to be what i am

i need a purpose. i need life...

or something else completely

Monday, July 25, 2011

Ze Weekend

Hey guys and dolls. Lifes been bingerific the past week.
It was my bestie's 21st on saturday and on the Thursday before i realised that whatever i did i was not going to look good so i might as well get the binging out of my system. It will take too long to write down all of what i ate but be assured it would have been over 4000cal each day ending Sunday.
I was a bit naughty on the saturday night. We got a hotel in the city and started drinking at 7pm (this doesnt include the champagne at lunch). An hour before we went out we had a line of coke each and a shot of absinth. We went out and danced and everything was good untill i started feeling depressed as hell. but i had some more coke and drinks and everything was ok. we headed back at 3am which is quite early for us but the birthday boy was tired coz he was jet lagged from coming back from Paris the day before.
So back at the hotel we chopped up a mix while some of the girls went to get food. then we got stoned and ate and ate. By then i was pretty much screwed and everyone was laughing at me coz i was babbling on about nothing so i went to bed.
11am checkout was not fun! We drove back to my bestie's house and i slept til my boyfriend picked me up at 5pm. then he drove me home and cuddled me and then i went to sleep for like 14 hours.... mmm sleep :)

Tuesday, July 19, 2011


Omg blogger just knows how to piss me off.
So im reading everyones blogs like the nice lovely person i am. and then i go to comment. and of course i want to write long comments to show my love and support. and i get a little agravated coz my space key only works when i push it really hard so i have to go back and fix up bits. but thats ok coz my comment will be awesome when i finish and will make someone happy.
Then i go to post and it asks me to sign in... ok blogger i thought i was already signed in as i went to the dashboard to read and comment on these blogs of which i am following but its ok ill sign in again. so i sign in again and NO! for fucks sake!!!
Being persistent i log out then log back in again and go back to write the comment out again and THE SAME THING HAPPENS!!! aaaaaaahhhhhh!!!
So everyone who has recently commented on my blog and even some who havnt i have been reading your blogs and ATTEMPTING to comment. its just blogger being a complete twat. if anyone has experienced this problem and knows how to fix it please tell me. kthanxbai

Saturday, July 16, 2011

Binge Purge Binge Purge Binge Fat

so the last 3 days i had been going so well but today was craptastic and ruined it all. yesterday i was sick... like my tummy hurt and i felt weak and dizzy. because of that during the day i ate hardly anything. at 7pm i felt really bad so being at bfs house i went to rest in his bed and fell asleep.i didnt wake til 11 and by that time he didnt want to give me a lift home, which was fair enuf coz he had work in the morning and i dont live that close. at 12 i found that i was ravenously hungry but there was no food to eat except an icecream cake in the freezer... i waited until 2:30am at which point i couldnt sleep and finally gave in and ate half the goddamn thing. Afterwards i was still feeling sick,but not as sick, and on top of that guilty and im not entirely sure but i dont think i got to sleep until about 5am. i was awoken at 7am and dropped off at a bus stop while the boy went to work. i came home and had to look after the puppy and do some chores while my parents and my brothers went out for my mums birthday. during this time i had a bowl of cereal. at 11am i told my sister to look after the dog and went to bed... only to be awoken 2 hours later by my mum having a fight with my sister and the dog chasing the chickens outside. i had some 2 min noodles for lunch but at dinner i couldnt control myself. there was a choice of chinese takeaway or pizza. i had some of both, then there was birthday cake... which my sister and i had bought for mum. it was fricken delishous, i was made out of blueberry mousse with a sponge base. sooo good that i had 2 pieces. i already knew i was going to purge so in my mind it didnt matter. but an hour after i purge i find myself munching on a whole paket of candy. so i purge again. but thats not all. i think i may as well go to bed and start afresh tomorrow. but nooo! im called to play cards and suddenly im so hungry so i eat 3 fricken pieces of pizza. i am so FAT! i was planning to purge that too but i havnt. if i binge that muh i kind of deserve to get bigger. eh i feel like poo. its 11:20pm so i think i should get some actual sleep now. hope you all doing better than me. and many thanks to everyone who commented on my last 2 posts. i didnt ead your blogs too and i tried to comment but blogger kept stuffing up and everytime i went to post i had to sign in again and again and again so i gave up. anyhoo goodnight. xo

Wednesday, July 13, 2011

Golden and Odin

So while i was away my dog Golden died. She had skin cancer.

Here is a pic of her about 2 weeks before we had to get her put down. She has socks on her paws coz they were sore and she kept licking them. RIP my pretty girl.

A week ago we got a new puppy named Odin. He is a border collie x golden retriever. My dad named him after the Norse God of Wisdom and Death. Despite the name he is a happy bouncy little boy who like to turn everything into a toy. Here is a pic of him just being cute and another pic of him chewing the carpet he unravelled.

Anyways so far today i havnt binged or purged and i didnt b/p yesterday either :) im a lil bit proud. Eating some good healthy foods and generally just doing awesome. im seeing the bf tonight so hopefully i can get something at least semi healthy for dinner. oh yeh and i forgot to say my boyfriend got a new puppy too which is Odin's brother. His name is Benson and looks pretty much the same as Odin except one paw has more white.

I have to go meet the boy at work now so il talk to youkids later. Mucho love. Xo

Tuesday, July 12, 2011

OMFG im back!

Hey kids! have you missed me? probably not... probably forgotten me ive been gone so long.
So yeh ive been binging and purging myself into oblivion. slowly and steadily gaining all the weight i had lost back. i dont know if you guys know the feeling of getting new boy who likes you for you then letting everything slide coz u dont want them to think your a total freak. getting comfortable and then realising your still fat. so yeh with the move from PT to THIN im starting afresh. trying to lose weight while cutting back on the b/p bullshit. Going back to calorie king to record my food intake and get myself back under control. so yeh doing it healthy with 1200 cals to start off with then we will see how it goes. also saw a 4min workout the otherday that is said to raise your heart rate for 36 hours! probs not true but im gonna try it once a day anyways.
Looking back on some old posts from novemberish time last year i realised that this blog was actually really cool and i enjoyed taking time to be creative on it ( making those lil cartoons) i was posting everyday and i had heapsa followers. So yeh if your still here give me a shout. hopefully i can get some new followers and new blogs to follow from my new friends on THIN as well. Peace out. xo