Wednesday, July 27, 2011
binged and purged twice yesterday.
i am close to falling. there are but a few steps to the edge.
i want to express all that i am thinking. all that i am feeling. but there is no meaning. it all boils down to nothing. I am what i am...
i dont want to be what i am
i need a purpose. i need life...
or something else completely
Monday, July 25, 2011
It was my bestie's 21st on saturday and on the Thursday before i realised that whatever i did i was not going to look good so i might as well get the binging out of my system. It will take too long to write down all of what i ate but be assured it would have been over 4000cal each day ending Sunday.
I was a bit naughty on the saturday night. We got a hotel in the city and started drinking at 7pm (this doesnt include the champagne at lunch). An hour before we went out we had a line of coke each and a shot of absinth. We went out and danced and everything was good untill i started feeling depressed as hell. but i had some more coke and drinks and everything was ok. we headed back at 3am which is quite early for us but the birthday boy was tired coz he was jet lagged from coming back from Paris the day before.
So back at the hotel we chopped up a mix while some of the girls went to get food. then we got stoned and ate and ate. By then i was pretty much screwed and everyone was laughing at me coz i was babbling on about nothing so i went to bed.
11am checkout was not fun! We drove back to my bestie's house and i slept til my boyfriend picked me up at 5pm. then he drove me home and cuddled me and then i went to sleep for like 14 hours.... mmm sleep :)
Tuesday, July 19, 2011
So im reading everyones blogs like the nice lovely person i am. and then i go to comment. and of course i want to write long comments to show my love and support. and i get a little agravated coz my space key only works when i push it really hard so i have to go back and fix up bits. but thats ok coz my comment will be awesome when i finish and will make someone happy.
Then i go to post and it asks me to sign in... ok blogger i thought i was already signed in as i went to the dashboard to read and comment on these blogs of which i am following but its ok ill sign in again. so i sign in again and NO! for fucks sake!!!
Being persistent i log out then log back in again and go back to write the comment out again and THE SAME THING HAPPENS!!! aaaaaaahhhhhh!!!
So everyone who has recently commented on my blog and even some who havnt i have been reading your blogs and ATTEMPTING to comment. its just blogger being a complete twat. if anyone has experienced this problem and knows how to fix it please tell me. kthanxbai
Saturday, July 16, 2011
Wednesday, July 13, 2011
Anyways so far today i havnt binged or purged and i didnt b/p yesterday either :) im a lil bit proud. Eating some good healthy foods and generally just doing awesome. im seeing the bf tonight so hopefully i can get something at least semi healthy for dinner. oh yeh and i forgot to say my boyfriend got a new puppy too which is Odin's brother. His name is Benson and looks pretty much the same as Odin except one paw has more white.
I have to go meet the boy at work now so il talk to youkids later. Mucho love. Xo
Tuesday, July 12, 2011
So yeh ive been binging and purging myself into oblivion. slowly and steadily gaining all the weight i had lost back. i dont know if you guys know the feeling of getting new boy who likes you for you then letting everything slide coz u dont want them to think your a total freak. getting comfortable and then realising your still fat. so yeh with the move from PT to THIN im starting afresh. trying to lose weight while cutting back on the b/p bullshit. Going back to calorie king to record my food intake and get myself back under control. so yeh doing it healthy with 1200 cals to start off with then we will see how it goes. also saw a 4min workout the otherday that is said to raise your heart rate for 36 hours! probs not true but im gonna try it once a day anyways.
Looking back on some old posts from novemberish time last year i realised that this blog was actually really cool and i enjoyed taking time to be creative on it ( making those lil cartoons) i was posting everyday and i had heapsa followers. So yeh if your still here give me a shout. hopefully i can get some new followers and new blogs to follow from my new friends on THIN as well. Peace out. xo