Saturday, July 16, 2011

Binge Purge Binge Purge Binge Fat

so the last 3 days i had been going so well but today was craptastic and ruined it all. yesterday i was sick... like my tummy hurt and i felt weak and dizzy. because of that during the day i ate hardly anything. at 7pm i felt really bad so being at bfs house i went to rest in his bed and fell asleep.i didnt wake til 11 and by that time he didnt want to give me a lift home, which was fair enuf coz he had work in the morning and i dont live that close. at 12 i found that i was ravenously hungry but there was no food to eat except an icecream cake in the freezer... i waited until 2:30am at which point i couldnt sleep and finally gave in and ate half the goddamn thing. Afterwards i was still feeling sick,but not as sick, and on top of that guilty and im not entirely sure but i dont think i got to sleep until about 5am. i was awoken at 7am and dropped off at a bus stop while the boy went to work. i came home and had to look after the puppy and do some chores while my parents and my brothers went out for my mums birthday. during this time i had a bowl of cereal. at 11am i told my sister to look after the dog and went to bed... only to be awoken 2 hours later by my mum having a fight with my sister and the dog chasing the chickens outside. i had some 2 min noodles for lunch but at dinner i couldnt control myself. there was a choice of chinese takeaway or pizza. i had some of both, then there was birthday cake... which my sister and i had bought for mum. it was fricken delishous, i was made out of blueberry mousse with a sponge base. sooo good that i had 2 pieces. i already knew i was going to purge so in my mind it didnt matter. but an hour after i purge i find myself munching on a whole paket of candy. so i purge again. but thats not all. i think i may as well go to bed and start afresh tomorrow. but nooo! im called to play cards and suddenly im so hungry so i eat 3 fricken pieces of pizza. i am so FAT! i was planning to purge that too but i havnt. if i binge that muh i kind of deserve to get bigger. eh i feel like poo. its 11:20pm so i think i should get some actual sleep now. hope you all doing better than me. and many thanks to everyone who commented on my last 2 posts. i didnt ead your blogs too and i tried to comment but blogger kept stuffing up and everytime i went to post i had to sign in again and again and again so i gave up. anyhoo goodnight. xo

2 comments:

  1. sorry bout the rough time there hun but remember romm is alwasy a better day

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  2. I hate myself a lot right now, too.
    It'll be okay, eventually. We have to believe it will, because surely there's more than this... there has to be.

    I love you, dear. I'm sorry I disappeared again, and stopped commenting; I stopped coming online when my life spun out of control, but I'm back now.

    I love you to bits.

    x

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