Saturday, August 27, 2011

0.0

Curse you really strong speed that was very free and tempting. I havnt really slept last night and now getting to the paranoid stage. ive also had a million bongs trying to get to sleep so now i have a sexy raspy voice. despite this i had a really good night just hanging at my friends house.
Im aware how this post could make me sound like a drugged up hippy but really im a good girl at heart. its just that once every few months i get the urge to have a crazy weekend. i get it out of my system and then continue on like a semi normal person. So the plan for now is to have a week away from my friends after this to catch up with homework. im going to refrain from drinking smoking and drugsies for 3 weeks but then there is a trance event on so i will let my self go for that and then nothing til my birthday.
in response to my last post... my birthday is 11/11/11 :) im mainly excited because its a really cool date. so yeh i have 12 weeks to lose 10kg so it is very doable. just have to get myself in the right frame of mind and go for it.
Anyway i have to head off and see a movie with the boy and the bestie now so ill catch u kids later. xoxox

Sunday, August 21, 2011

Sup?

Ive got a song stuck in my head so im playing it over and over again. Its called "Somebody That I Used to Know" by Gotye. some of the lyrics remind me of last year when i was getting over my ex. i have no idea why im thinking of that when now i have a wonderful boyfriend.
Lately ive been tired all the time. I just want to always sleep. Its effecting my social life and uni work. Im debating getting more sleeping pills from the doctor but i would rather get a good sleep without drugs. Although i did get a great sleep last week with the aid of some weed. But i cant be smoking that all the time as i get anxiety attacks as it is.
Talking of anxiety attacks... last weekend was hell. Think breaking down crying in the middle of a shopping centre kind of hell.
It was my sister's birthday this weekend so i let myself binge away which was stupid of me. I have no control at the moment. Its worse too because im trying not to purge, so basically im a huge ball of lard.
Tomorrow im starting a weightloss regime. less calories + more exercise = looking at least semi decent for my 21st. im hoping to drop a kilo per week which is quite doable i just hve to stick to it. So i should lose about 10kg (22lbs) by my birthday.
I have to go catch up on uni work now but i will post again soon.
Much love. Xoxo

Monday, August 8, 2011

Walkies

I had my first day back at uni today. i decided that i would walk there to get some exercise. unfortunately i didnt leave myself enough time in which to do that. realising i was going to be late i increased my pace. i actually quite enjoyed the 4 and a bit kms there but i did end up being 5 mins late and got stared at coz my face was bright red. next time i think i'll give myself an extra 10mins.


Foodwise today i've had 970 cals so thats not too bad. hopefully i can keep it under 1200 everyday this week and start dropping some weight.


Anyhoo... i found my camera and so i will post a pic of me with me newest friend, Ducky.







Sunday, August 7, 2011

My Boyfriend...

...makes me feel content just by being in the room. i spent pretty much the whole weekend with him.
we went fishing which made me feel like a child again, with all the digging for worms and feeding bread to our new friend the duck, who by the way is soo adorable and wags her tail when she is happy just like a dog. i was going to post pics of me and the boy feeding ducky but it seems i have lost my camera. hopefully i will post them in the coming days. we got a few bites but didnt catch anything.
fishing made me remember that i love nature and now i am craving a camping trip away from society. i imaging myself just leaving for a couple of days, taking the bare essentials and letting myself relax and explore an area of bushland. of course i would need a car to reach my destination and the time and know how, all of which i do not have. the boy said he would take me camping when he gets his car fixed. that should be in about 2 weeks so i have something to look forward to.
my boyfriend is hard to explain. he is very different to me in many ways. he is quite reserved when expressing emotions, which is the complete opposite of me. this is hard for me to understand sometimes.
i like to express my feeling in a relationship by telling the person how i feel about them. he on the other hand shows love by either spending time with me or doing various things for me. so in that way i know he likes me but without talking its hard to know all the other various details to his thoughts and feelings. i just know there is an amazing mind and soul inside him and i want to explore it.
typing that out ive just realized how much of a nutcase i sound like. but thats just me, too deep and too intense.
anyway... i want to tell him that i love him... but im scared of the response or probable lack of response.
is there any point saying it when i know we already both feel it? will it ruin everything we already have?