Tuesday, February 21, 2012

Abnormality

I am not doing well these last few days. i just ate a bag of candy/lollie snakes (approx 700 cal) in like 2 minutes and then purged. it took me longer to purge them than to eat them :(
Whats the point of binging if you cant even enjoy the junk youre eating. I wish i could just stop eating, but i get so weak and dizzy after even 12 hours. I literally cant function when i dont eat. I used to be able to do it in high school, now my body is old and weak even if i am only 21.
The real bad thing is that if it werent for that binge today would have been good foodwise. I had 3 healthy meals that would have come in at around 900 cals.
Im hoping that this need to binge over the last few days is due to the fact that my period is coming. I hope it comes soon too so that i dont have it when i start back at uni next week.
Im so paranoid of people going through my room incase they find my bong or my bags of puke. i dont know which would be worse. Im too scared to purge in the toilet like a "normal person" coz people might hear me.
I wish i were a normal person, with a normal BMI, and a normal brain, who could be happy just being normal.

3 comments:

  1. Then again, people who puke in the toilet on a regular basis have really awkward questions to answer when the plumbers come to fix the blocked or corroded pipes!

    I wish I was a normal person with a normal brain, too. Those lucky, ignorant fuckers. They have no idea how awesome their lives really are!

    Lol, wait until you get to 25! After 3 hours without food at my job my blood sugar crashes and I get tired, depressed and grumpy. I also miss having the stamina to stay out late drinking and then go to work half-cut and sober up there.

    *Hugs* All I can say is invest in a glass bong, so you can clean it and it looks like something simply decorative, and ditch the bags of puke on a regular basis. Leave a surprise for dumpster-divers :3

    I buy VitaFresh and VitaQuench for my Vitamin C. It works out cheaper than orange juice, has about 9cals/serve and some of the flavours come with added Calcium and Vitamin D. Score! I'm thinking of making some into iceblocks, since my coke zero ones turned out shit.

    Love you <3

    ReplyDelete
  2. Hey there,

    Just came across your blog and I see so much of myself in your blogs. I can really relate. And I'm sorry because it sucks.

    I too wondering if I'm more driven to binge on the days leading up to my period. Sure feels like it. The cravings are just that much more intense.

    ReplyDelete
  3. P.S.
    I'm on meds for depression. 45mg of Mitrazapine, oh joy -.- I used to be on an SSRI, but it made me sleepless and crazy so now I'm on the fat pills. Waaah!

    ReplyDelete