Tuesday, March 27, 2012

Breaking

The pains in my stomach are getting worse. today it was constant. but i was very stressed so that might have had something to do with it. i dont know exactly whats going on but i know its my liver and stomach that i can feel hurting. i know the gall bladder is stuck up in that area too so it could be that as well. the pain can sometimes go away if i dont eat for an extended period of time but also lessens straight after eating. Sometimes when i wake up and drink water it is the worst i actually double over in pain.
today sucked appart from that. I spent 7 hours stuck in front of my computer grasping for any piece of info i could shove into my assignment before the 5 pm deadline. My head was killing me but i had to keep going. I got it done in the end. i think i will get a pass for it but nothing special.
after that i decided to take the dog for a walk to get some fresh air and go to the shops to get binge food. It was one of those occasions where i spent ages in the supermarket picking things up and putting them back again. I ended up getting greek yoghurt and cucumbers so i could make tatziki dip because in my mind thats a safe food and would counteract the chocolate and chips i was buying to binge and purge on. But now i think i just sound like an idiot.
Anyway, on the way home i let my dog off the lead so he could have a run... and he ran away. I had to walk around for an hour before he was found by my dad.
I can feel myself breaking. Its actually been years since ive fully broken down. im scared of what i might do. I thought i was getting better. I dont understand anything anymore...

1 comment:

  1. Hey, take it easy. Slow down. We all have our rough patches, but never stop remembering that it CAN and WILL get better. See a doctor for your pain. It's probably not as serious as you're thinking and seeing someone will put your mind at rest, or get you the treatment you need.

    I always find it helps to take some time to yourself when life gets too hard. Have a day to just lie in bed and do nothing. Or to go out for a drive or a hike. Do something that you really love. Sometimes all we need is to ground ourselves. You can do this!

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